Roger's Rating:

I get asked all the time what my favorite porn film of all time is. The exact order of my top ten changes depending on my mood, but 'New Wave Hookers' always ends up right near the top. It is the crown jewel in the Dark Brothers royal collection of 80's porn classics. You know what's really funny though, I could write this review without ever even watching the DVD. I think I have the whole thing memorized. Some of the best sex scenes of the decade are contained in this single film. (Even if one of the hottest pairings is forever cut out thanks to the underage Traci Lords.) The dialog is pretty funny and the visual style has been imitated for years. Do be warned 90's porn fan, if you're sensitive to un-PC dialog and stereotyping, you may want to cover your delicate ears. On the other hand, don't do that because then you will miss on of this film's other endearing qualities, the music. This is probably the only porn film with a soundtrack I would actually listen to on its own. The opening credits are brilliantly edited and set to a very catchy tune. Hell, just watching Ginger masturbate to the beat is hotter than two thirds of 90's porn.

The story is simple. Jack Baker and Jamie Gillis are a couple of slobs who like to sit around watching porn and cracking jokes. They get lost in the idea that being pimps would be the best way to spend their lives and come up with a great idea. They should open an escort service that features those "New Wave Bitches." All they need is to find a way to program the girls to fuck whenever they hear new wave music. (ahhh, the sexual fantasy of every then teen aged Gen and Pre-Gen Xer) Gillis teaching Baker how to refer to women as "bitches" is just too freaking funny. As late night conversation turns to endless snow on the TV screen, the guys drift off to sleep.

We enter their dream world and it's like something out of a... well, like something out of a Greg Dark movie. Baker is decked out in a day glow yellow suit that would make Eddie Murphy shiver with 'Delirious' flashbacks and a pair of Devo sunglasses. Gillis is wonderfully absurd, in his Anarchy T-shirt and B-Movie Chinese accent. Before anyone even has time to be adequately offended, the phone rings, ending their argument. This is no ordinary phone either. It's Steve Powers screaming "Ring, Ring" from the floor. You see, he's also their dog. If you're confused, then you are finally entering the proper frame of mind to continue with this adventure. Into this crazed scene skates Desiree Lane, a sweet little Valley girl looking for work. Her shorts are riding all the way up her ass, but her attitude is less than inviting. That is, until she puts on the headphones and gets an ear full of the tunes. In seconds, she is grinding her pussy on Gillis' leather pants and dying for a taste of cock. Someone tosses her a vibrator, but she isn't happy until Powers and Gills are fucking her at both ends. The quick cut editing does get to me a little bit here, but this is as hot as Ms. Lane ever was. Gillis drops chowd on her buns then licks it up while Desiree jerks a load out of Powers and into her hungry mouth. This is one hot scene for sure.

The pimps send a pair of girls out on a special call. Kimberly Carson and Brooke Fields look like they could be sisters, but instead of sharing DNA, they just like to share long slow kisses. I just love Brooke's Valley Girl talk. (Who needs sex when she squeaks, 'Did you bring the music? You know how it makes me want to fuck.") Peter North is playing an Arab sheik waiting to be serviced by the two girls. When he doesn't respond to their dirty talk, they start on each other. Kimberly Carson is one of my all time unsung porn starlets and watching her get lapped has Peter hard and ready in no time. The girls share his throbbing cock, with Kim stealing the show. She always sucked dick like it was the most serious and orgasmic experience of her life. Her awesome blowjob earns her first fuck and Peter does her standing up, holding the gorgeous creature in his arms and letting her bounce on his dick. With his cock slamming into Brooke from behind, Kim positions herself to share the shot with those fine cheeks. Finger looking good eh Kimberly?

After some more completely un-PC dialog, we move on to one of the best sex scenes ever filmed. Ginger Lynn struts into a dorm room where Tom Byron and Steve Powers wait. They are playing super geeks and she has her New Wave Hooker game face on. The opening line "Boys, boys, boys, you wanna? You wanna fuck me in the ass." is so memorable, Ginger even played off it in her comeback film. She's a bit bossy, ordering them to lick her ankles and assholes, but her clothes are coming off and that's what really counts. With just a studded collar, and leather belt with handcuffs, Ginger is a million erections waiting to shoot hot sticky loads all over her girl-next-door-turned-cockcrazed-whore face. She moves back and forth between cocks, inhaling them and keeping her hands pumping as well. Ginger mounts Byron and immediately Powers starts greasing up her perfect ass. It might not seem like that big a deal now since everyone does anal, but seeing the biggest porn star of the decade take two cocks at once was an event indeed. Event or not, Ginger is a gorgeous ball of sexual fury and this scene is just too fucking hot to be missed. The boys end their dream date by glazing her gorgeous little buns with new wave nad nugget.

Into the office comes sushi delivery girl Kristara Barrington. In her little leather mini skirt, she looks every bit as mouthwatering as any Asian to ever grace the blue screen. Baker puts the headphones on and Kristara's hand is between her legs faster than you can say 'Asia who?' With the human dog licking at her pretty bush, Baker feeds Kristara his cock. She sucks and strokes him hard and fast until Jack explodes, literally, all over her face. The cum is everywhere and this awesome babe just rubs it all over her lips, cheeks and forehead. Head isn't enough for Powers who needs to plow her hot pussy. All three guys team up on her as Powers slam fucks her on the desk. They even slap her tits with a belt for a bit, making Ms. Barrington scream out for more. Another pop shot up her body closes out the scene, but still she needs more cock.

All is well for our entrepreneurs until they realize that they have left three of their prize hookers tied to the hoin' machine. Gillis, Baker and Powers race in to find Barrington, Lane and Gina Carrera tied to a merry-go-round. The guys dive in and get a taste of dripping pussy. Just about the time the fucking should start, a couple of cops come in to close down our favorite escort service. Thinking quickly, Gillis offers the officers a free ride on the ho-go-round. Most of the early attention goes to Kristara who gets royally fucked. Fear not, Desiree gets her mouth then her muff stuffed with cock as well. There is a lot of action going on here and if you blink, you might miss the incredible Gina Carrera. Both Desiree and Gina get shots on their asses and Kristara finishes with Gillis jerking off on her face while Powers leaves one final load in her full bush.

What can I say, one of the best porn videos ever is now one of the best porn DVDs ever. Is it a little dated? I supposed so, but some things just stand the test of time. No, not Baker's wardrobe, but Ginger's ass, Kristara's tits and Desiree's shorts. The Ginger three way is still one of the hottest scenes I have ever seen. With that as an anchor, the movie works as a stroker's paradise. Barrington, Lane, Carson and Fields all give great performances. Most of the dialog is still hilarious. It's certainly not PC and I'm sure some people are still irritated by it, but come on, it is only porn after all. Baker and Gillis are perfect in their roles and prove that porn performers who can act as well as fuck are pretty rare gems indeed. OK, a quick moment of silence for the lost Traci scene. (Admit it guys, ever since you saw that scene, you've been trying to fuck a woman hard enough to make her earrings fall out.) Visually, this movie is much better on DVD. The clearer picture brings the great visual style to the forefront and the music is still the best I've ever heard. You want a quick summary? Great sex, good story, funny dialog, crisp picture and fantastic music make 'New Wave Hookers' one of the best adult films ever made.

Copyright © Roger T. Pipe

Posted By Roger, www.excaliburfilms.com | 10/5/06 1:58 PM